We're hearing a lot of words and phrases right now --- many of which were not even around two months ago. Living through a pandemic has necessitated it in some cases, and other new parts of our vocabulary have become buzzwords or trendy on social media. There are certain ones I'm pretty tired of hearing, like "unprecedented times," "social distancing," and "quarantine," to name a few.
There is another one, though, that I feel is a bit incomplete, which says: "Check on your extroverts. They are not OK." Let me start by saying that I am not criticizing anyone who feels this blurb sums it up for them. I'm not an extrovert and cannot speak to what their experiences with the pandemic are. This is a great reminder for those of us who love these high energy,
social folks. We should be keeping in touch with them and see how
they are doing, as having to be social distant will be difficult. As an introvert, however...I think there should be a companion statement which says: "Check on Your Introverts. Not all of them are OK."
Many of your
introvert friends are having difficulties, too. Yes, there are many
who are enjoying the chance to slow down, stay in, catch up on their
Netflix watch list, and tackle projects that work and other facets of
life have prevented them from doing normally. As an introvert
myself, I have taken pleasure in these activities. There have been
days when I enjoyed the slower pace, having everyone in the family
home for dinner, and not having to drive the mom taxi. Honestly,
though, I still miss people and the things we used to do together.
This may sound funny, since it may seem contrary to your idea of an
introvert, so let me clarify.
A few years ago, when
my family was sitting at dinner, my daughter struck up a conversation
about the difference between our personalities and introversion vs.
extroversion. She identifies as an extrovert. She also recognized
that I was an introvert. Her idea of a great time is to be with her
friends as much as possible. She loves to meet new people and would
rather be out doing something than at home. In contrast, I enjoy
being home. I can pop on a movie or a great playlist of my favorite
movie, and be content to do something while it's playing. I can do
housework, some crafting, or cook in the kitchen. I'm also quite
comfortable going to eat at a restaurant or a movie theater by
myself. As we were discussing this, my girl came to the conclusion
that I was anti-social. What I tried to explain was this is not the
case. I'm not anti-social. I just socialize in a much different way
than an extrovert.
Does this mean I don't like going out with other people? No, it doesn't. Am I against
meeting new people? No, I'm not. I still like to grab lunch with some gals from church,
see a movie with my family, and love extended family gatherings. And, I take fitness
and ballet classes, where you will find me in the front row every single time if I can
manage it. I might often be content to take a back seat in a group conversation, but
when I dance, I like to be up front, in the thick of it all.
When I go to fitness
classes, I get there several minutes before the class starts to just
sit and gather my thoughts. I can take that time to shed off any
negative thinking, let go of things that happened during my day that
I didn't like, or just have some peace. When I'm home with my
family, I speak a lot. Answering questions regarding dinner, what
needs to get done at home, and so on. I'm also giving constant
reminders: get back to doing homework, please clean up after
yourself, comb your hair, etc. Some days, I feel like a chatty
parrot repeating the same stuff over and over. So, if I have a few
minutes to myself before class starts, and I can relax and enjoy the
silence, I relish that.
If, however, one of
the peeps I know from class sits down and wants to chat, I can do
that, too. Or, I can choose to listen as they talk amongst
themselves and silently enjoy what is being said. There are times I
enjoy just being a listening ear for someone else.
So, after that long
ramble, what is my point? Many introverts are not anti-social. We still
need people...but the way we approach it looks different than it does
for extroverts. I miss going to my weekly ballet class and taking
time to chat with the other students and our teacher. We all
appreciate the adult interaction, as it is often the only
conversations we get that don't involve managing family decisions,
kids, work, etc. I feel great talking and letting each of us have our say.
I also miss going to
events. Last July, I danced in a Flash Mob with a boatload of other
Shine Dance Fitness students. There were some who know me who were
surprised to see me in a bright yellow dress, dancing in the front
row. It was real thrill for me to take part! Dance is one of my
best outlets for self expression. I grabbed a selfie with one of
the instructors afterwards, and went to dinner with a couple of my
brothers and their spouses. This doesn't sound like an introvert's
idea of a fun evening, but for me, it was awesome.
Additionally, three
years in a row, I attended Brave Girl Symposium, which I went to by
myself. The purpose of this event to is to find tools to heal,
bravely live your best life, and connect with other like minded gals.
I didn't go with any girlfriends in tow, but I saw friends I made at
other Brave Girls events, and made some new friends, too. I danced,
swam, ate, cried with, sang, practiced yoga, and attended classes
with these gals. I asked to sit with groups of other ladies when
going to the large meetings. I stayed up late to do some of the
activities with all the attendees, and at other times, ducked out early to decompress
after emotional speeches, or just to wind down and watch TV before
bed (In case you are interested, I did a series of three videos where I show how to make the layout about the flash mob. You can check them out here:)
And, here is what else I miss:
-I wish I could hug my
mom. While I still see her weekly, since I try to be available to
help her once a week, we don't give hugs because of the pandemic. I
don't see my brothers because of social distancing guidelines. It
bums me out.
-Not being able to do
the normal things with other people is difficult. Unlike some of my
extroverted friends and family, I'm not the life of the party, I've
never been one to entertain at my house a ton, and may not make new
friends every week. However, I still need people. I still miss my
people. I really dislike the social distancing. I hate not being
able to travel, or stopping to chat with a friend or acquaintance I see in the grocery store.
I know I'm not going to die. I realize the pandemic isn't lasting forever. It's just not always fun for me, either. I'm mostly doing OK. But often, stuff gets to me, as I'm sure there's stuff that gets to everyone else.
Take it from an
introvert. We're not all okay, either. So check on your introvert
friends, too, and see how they are doing. See if they want to talk, text with you, or do a FaceTime chat. I think in general, it's wise to check on your friends and family, whether we are an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, we all still
need connection.
